I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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