So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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