I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
