Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All the doctor said was why
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize