Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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