So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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