TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
