I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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