you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
