alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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