You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
