I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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