How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
