Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
