My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
