I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize