she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
