if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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