I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
