Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
