where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
