His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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