where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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