it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
