oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
