she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
