Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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