oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
