the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
