Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
