hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
