Fine. I'll sleep in my office
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
did you just send me my own nude
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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