my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
