Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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