I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize