Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize