I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
