I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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