We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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