oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
