i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
