I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Vodka?
Forever.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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