I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
