I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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