I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
