I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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