ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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