You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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