I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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