no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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