i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
