I faked an abortion last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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