OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
