Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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