She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
