she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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