note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
