I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At least life still wants to fuck me.