She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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