eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.