fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
