fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
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What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.