Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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