Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
