If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
